it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
