forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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