Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
