Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
