Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
