You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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