I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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