I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
