Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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