Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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