winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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