The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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