Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
