You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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