I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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