Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
