You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
