I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
