I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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