is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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