Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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