Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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