hotel room ftw
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
