she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
