I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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