I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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