i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
