do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize