Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
her vagine was all disorganized.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
