I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
