OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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