Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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