The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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