I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
