I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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