it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
