I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my shit smells like andre
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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