i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
