I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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