She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
