Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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