I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
