she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
