How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
