we have officially lost it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
