I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
