You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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