he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
