just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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