I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
