Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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