loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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