I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
