Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
