what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
