Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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