Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
