You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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