somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
