if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry about my life...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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