So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
