What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We're too hungover to prance.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
