Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
