WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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