I'm drive I can fine osifer
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
