HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
