All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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