Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
