hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
