i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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