I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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