now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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