dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
