I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
