Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize