Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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