The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
love makes seman taste better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we should paint friendship bongs
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