my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
