im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
