I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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