Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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