Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
