ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
