I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
