that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
