I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
