I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
