I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
