how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
