Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
