Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
