I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
