whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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