Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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