Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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