Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
