hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
