There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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