i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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