What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
