There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
