no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize