haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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