he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize