Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
