I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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