I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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