I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
