please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
